Last week I was delivering an order of floral mists to a local boutique that carries my line. I had intended to bring them by a few days earlier but wasn’t able to. I walked in feeling a little bad that I wasn’t fulfilling expectations and not doing enough. During my short chat with the owner she thanked me for being so on top of things.
It turns out she has other vendors who are much less responsive and slow with orders. As I heard this, I was wondering why I was being so hard on myself. While I strive for excellence, perfection is not realistic. It occurred to me that for the most part, we are being graded on a curve. Shouldn’t that change the internal conversation a little?
Fear of Not Being Good Enough
Growing up, I was constantly in fear of failing at school. I generally got good grades, but was always certain that failure was right around the corner. The next chapter or subject was going to be the limit, I wouldn’t be able to understand the material, and I would fail the test. I’d be left behind, ashamed, a failure. Very early in life I developed the ability to spin the worst possible scenarios. It’s like a superpower.
Somehow none of this ever actually happened, but the fear was always there. The fear of being judged against a standard of perfection and coming up short was always at the back of my mind. I think a lot of us were subjected to motivation by fear in this way, because the system is certain you would never bother to put in an effort to learn if you weren’t scared of some form of academic punishment.
And there is a part of me that thinks if I allow myself to let go of being perfect I will just slide down the slippery slope of carelessness, incompetence, laziness, or one of the other deadly sins. Really? Is that really likely? Do I really care so little about my work, my family, my life? If I take a breath and think a little, it seems quite clear that doing my best is really good enough. Really good is a perfectly acceptable place on the curve.
Accepting myself as a perfectly imperfect human is part of my process, and probably part of yours too. Whenever I slip into self-judgement or fear of failure, I call on my flower allies to help me connect to a greater sense of self acceptance and self kindness.
Flower Essences for Self Kindness
This gloriously vigorous rose has the most beautiful little flowers, is wildly fragrant, and blooms early in Spring. As a flower essence, she helps you accept yourself just as you are, appreciating all your good qualities, and showing kindness with all your foibles. I use Lady Banks’ Rose flower essence in so many formulas for clients to provide nonjudgemental support and boost self-kindness.
A star of the early Spring, this graceful tree provides a flower essence that helps you connect to the pure nature of your being. So many of us have had experiences of shaming that disconnect us from the perfection of our souls. We absorbed the messages of being bad, or wrong, or broken, and live in fear of being discovered as being *less than*. Ussurian Pear flower essence helps you put these experiences in perspective, as things that happened to us, but things that do not define who we are.
What if we started being kinder to ourselves?
What if we started treating ourselves the way we treat our friends and beloveds?
Perfection is not a prerequisite to being lovable. You really are good enough today.
Would you like help with this? I’ve helped lots of women feel better about themselves and let go of perfectionism. I’d love to hear from you so I can create a custom flower essence formula, just for you.